Here, you can find reviews of our previous shows, as written by the bastards themselves! Just click on the appropriate date below to find our show reports. Special shows will be denoted by a descriptor after the date.
Category: Show Reports
0 Show Report Mar 11, 2013- ALLCON
Mar 11, 2013- All-Con Show/Con Report!!!
Hey everybody, Jason here, and I’ve got the task of trying to encapsulate 72 hours of crazy convention action into one show report. Why was I picked? Because I was sober, and thus have a decent chance of remembering things. First up, Friday night’s lineup:
Frank: Britt (IN HIS LAST SHOW)
Janet: Jenny!
Brad: Danny
Riff Raff: Jon
Magenta; Patricia
Columbia: Adrienne
Dr. Scott: Pete
Rocky: Snowflake
Eddie: Cody
Crimmie: Sean
Transies: Abby, Amira, Amy (In her last show), Baby Joon, Cameron, Hary, Heather, Megaaaan!, Nikcola, Renny, and Rachel
Floorwalkers: Alex, Jason, David, Cody
Tech/Sound/Props: Chance, Kristin, Austin, James, and everybody else
Smexy Director: Leah
So it’s All-Con, which means a) we drink a lot, b) we do a lot of musical numbers before the show, c) we drink a lot. This year, we had four big ass musicals to work in before we started preshow proper. Kicking it off was El Bastardo del Grande, Alex with Fett’s Vette. Now, if you’re an All-Con regular, you know that we play Fett’s Vette every year, because nerds love mc chris. However, this year, Alex got hold of a lyricless track of a swank remix of the song, so he rapped it live onstage. Backed by a pair of dancing Slave Leias, he rocked the mic, but thankfully did not *micdrop* at the end, because those things cost monies.
Next preshow was an old favorite, in possibly it’s farewell performance, Soccer Practice. Boys in towels, featuring Sean as the Gay Pimp, plus Jon, Snow, Cody, and Jeremy (aka Dopplecody).
Afterwards, the premiere of a new preshow, Katy Perry’s “Peacock”, choreographed by Leah, and featuring June, Rachel, Renny, Heather, Jenny, and Pete. If you like girls in corsets and booty shorts, or are just a closet Pete stalker, you will want to see this once it goes up on YouTube.
Finally was Sexy and I Know It, a preshow we’ve done a few times before, but now with a last-minute inclusion of Alex! Also with Cody, Jon, Snow, and Sean. Featuring lots of squealing, five ruined t-shirts, and even a little something for the Dragonball Z enthusiast.
With preshow done, it was time for preshow. Alex and I (Jason) took the stage to power through rules, then Leah’s sexy bottom came up to announce a few things…in our pants. Snow brought some virgins up to demonstrate their favorite sex positions (with some Bastard assistance), and then we made eeeeeeeverybody pledge their allegiance to the flick (and Joss Whedon).
Movie time!!!
Movie things happened. Britt’s last show was commemorated by Gus dipping his naked balls on Britt’s face during bedroom scene. So that was a thing. Adrienne’s jugs were all over the place, but the nipples were covered by her custom “L” and “B” pasties, so it was still family friendly. Bring the kids! Megaaaan came up for her birthday weekend and to Transie for us! Pete horriflighted us with a bodystocking hiding under his Dr. Scott outfit. Derby girls were there and mauling Cody while he was in the audience. Famous Hollywood Person Camden Toy was there to see us, and Jenny Toy’d with his face during Superheroes. And probably a lot of other things too!
Then we had a kickass suite party with 300 or so jello shots, plus Pete’s homebrewed beer and Leah’s lethal alcohol punch. The playlist never stopped being baller, and we kept it going until 5:30 in the AM. Yes, we didn’t get shut down by security this year! Well done!
The rest of the weekend was a blurrrrr…early afternoon hottubbing with the other 300 jello shots, lots of bikinis being pulled down or to the sides, lots of jello shots tossed at our brand new friends, and no property damage! Then we invaded the Londoner to get our salt and starch base before an evening of more drinking. Alex and I recorded the post-show podcast, featuring a few Bastard guests, and then we watched the rain and wandered around the hotel, checking out gatherings, giving alcohol to more new friends, and generally just enjoying being people who like people. Finally, we had a private scotch and cigars Harumphing party in the rain, and around 4am, we called it a night.
And then Sunday we dragged ourselves out of bed, went home, and slept it off.
Thanks to everyone who came out! Photos and videos will be up soon, and the podcast is up now: http://lospodcastos.podbean.com/2013/03/11/los-podcastos-007-all-con-hungover-extravaganza/
Thanks to All-Con for always being such a fun con and for giving us so much love. Thanks to the LosBians who follow us to road shows. Thanks to hotels who don’t mind open bands of drinking Bastards (or the other nerds either). And thanks to you, brave Japanese radiation factory workers. You are the real heroes.
0 Show Report Feb 23, 2013-Inwood Theatre
This show…No one broke their nose on the concrete this time, and there was popcorn everywhere. There were some tits but not a whole lot of tits, and there was ihop after the show. That pretty much failed, because they told me there were no more waffles. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT????
0 Show Report Jan 26, 2013-Inwood Theatre
LINEUP INWOOD SATURDAY 1/26
Frank ‘n’ Furter : Britt
Janet: Jenny
Brad : Danny
Riff-Raff : Jon
Magenta : Patricia
Columbia : Adrienne (she’s back, yay!!)
Dr. Scott : Pete
Rocky Horror : Snowflake
Eddie : Cody
Crimmie : Sean
Spot A : Chance
Spot B : Austin
Lightboard : James
Sound1 : Danny
Sound2 : Sean
Grip : Danny, Cody, Canadian Dave, Jeremy, Snowflake, Pete
Security: Gregg
Props : Heather
Floorwalkers : Jason, Alex, David, Cody
PreShow1 : Alex, Jason
Virgin Games: Snowflake
Show Report : Madame Leah
Piccies : Fish n Chips
Transies: Cameron, Heather, Jesse, Baby June, Amy, Nikcola, Renny, Rachel, Sam, Aaron, Amira
Hello BASTARD FANS! It was good to be back home. We missed our show last month, that was no bueno. We did make it up last night, though. We had a sold out house last night (yay!) and it was packed and sweaty and full of glitter. People will be picking that off of themselves for months to come (LOVE IT). We started off with some random jokes that I didn’t understand (partially because I don’t get anything in pop culture and partially because I am slightly slow, anyway), but I love watching Alex and Jason go up there and swing cock. Alex had a Jayne hat. (As in the Jayne from Firefly.) That makes me happy. Jason was getting’ his hair did ‘afore the show, and that was also exciting. If none of you have ever touched his hair, you should. It is soft and beautiful. Mmmm. Wait no check that. If you are a hot female (a real one, not like a she-male or anything) then you can ask him. Otherwise don’t, or you will lose an arm. Snow was up there for Virgin Games (first time) and had a wonderful little game with grandparents in mind. It was full of visual sadness towards the end and I appreciated it. Someone was getting laid based off of that. That’s all I am saying.
Show start, yay. Flick! New Transies! We have so many, I am so excited! They were everywhere and all colorful and wonderful and It pleases me a great deal. Danny was thrown off a bit by Jenny’s Janet (she’s so violent with him, it is a thing of beauty) and Jon’s hair was puffier than ever. Patricia has this yellow spankerchief for Magenta and it looks like mustard. It distracts me. She has such a nice ass. Adrienne is back as Columbia, yay! Her boobies amused her much during Opening Dance (that’s Science Fiction, for all you normal peeps). They are huge and sparkly. They are wonderful.
We had a wedding and a proposal where Danny flew and almost fell. There was a car ride, where Danny STILL DIDN’T STITCH HIS PANTS SO YOU CAN SEE HIS UNDERWEAR AND IT IS AWFUL AND HE DOES THIS ON PURPOSE I HATE YOU DANNY…And then there were 6 trees that hit Janet and then they ran away and it was all shiny everywhere in the theatre for “There’s a Light”. Jon is a creepy Riff. He looks like he has hollow eyes sometimes. That’s good though because that’s how it is supposed to look. TIME WAAAAARP ARMY OF TRANSIESSSSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND COLORFUL AND why is Jesse the only boy up there? How…? Adrienne forgot that the tap dance is supposed to not be on the other side of the stage. BUT. SHE BOUNCED. So I guess that is ok.
BRITT ‘N’ FURTER. He is so bouncy today! His hair was everywhere and he has a new tattoo that has the Frank heart with the knife through it on his arm AND IT SAYS BASTARD ON TOP OF THE HEART. I WAS SO EXCITED I PEED A LITTLE. His hair looked shorter but he said it was because the relaxer he put in it two years ago finally came out. What the hell? I am full of wonder today. He has this giant weiner that stares at you during Sweet T. Always staring.
And then Danny’s clothes were off, and it was awful. And then there was meet and greet, and he was covered up by a robe from Riff, thankfully for everyone. Jenny should slap him more. She knows. She knows. Like Gandalf. She knows all.
So then there was a speech and some theatrics and some weird ass creation scene song, and then Rocky Horror popped out of the tank like magic! Snowflake only looked scared (I know he wasn’t). Then the wraps mostly came off, and he ran. He ran so far away. But he couldn’t get away. (I am so awesome.) And then Frank touched him and said, “You will be my bitch.” And Rocky said “DERP DERP.” But, he is pretty and lifted weights, and there was glitter everywhere and it was wonderful. Then there was Eddie! Cody was Eddie and they always scream for him because he is a baler. He didn’t put the sax in his mouth and I was glad…because it was in someone’s pants. In the meantime, James (who was running lightboard) was farthing on Paul (Fish n Chips) who was taking pics. James had Panda Express. Apparently this does bad things to James. It did not trouble me because I was far away.
And then Eddie was dead.
And Rocky was let out. And he tried to lick Frank…and got slapped in the face, then the nutsack. This still did not deter him. He wanted more. And he got it. I am not sure whose tongue was where but I think it was kinda hot. Magic makeup to not get smeared when there’s that level of tongue action.
And then bedroom scene. The sheets were limp, but that’s alright. I stared at Jenny’s Janet boobies in the bra. They are wonderful. And then butt-rape of the monster. Riff took a running leap and then there was nothing but sadness and horror on Rocky’s part. But Rocky got away! Snap into a Slim-Jim. Bedroom scene for Brad…well…this was special. Fishie was here! (Look him up, Absent Friends.) They…raped…?…Brad…kinda. You know, for an old man, Danny has a lot of fight in him. It is still gross. His balls are so big. Eww. What is wrong with this cast? There were like 5 dudes on stage with no pants and all of them were rubbing on each other and…never mind. NEXT.
Then Rocky found a tank, and a Slut! And it was…special! I don’t know how Jenny Janet manages to manhandle these boys so much and still look innocent…I…just like it. And then there was whipping, and line missing, and Dr. Scott! How do you shake up Pete as Dr. Scott? How do you get him to miss his lines? Boobs? Handjobs? Oral? You don’t. Even with these things, Pete doesn’t budge. He is a master.
I don’t remember where I was.
Dinner. There was food…sortof. And Rocky shoveled a lot of candy in his face, and later in the evening found a melted KitKat bar in a pocket that stayed warm for at least an hour while we were at the restaurant. I don’t…defying the laws of science KitKat bar…terrifying. Anyway. Then there was singing, and hand jiving, and a dead body, and running, and then falling, and then freezing, and then Floorshow and TITS TITS TITS! Yay Adrienne’s tits! And Rocky needs shoes, Brad needs less balls, Janet doesn’t need a twisted ankle, Frank needs a new bitch and wants a satin dress, and Dr. Scott gets his legs back.
There was a kickline where no one fell, a ray gun that killed people, a house that lit off like Castle Greyskull, some more bad singing, tits, and people with Brad’s balls in their face.
CAST CALL….THEY ALWAYS CHEER SO LOUD FOR CODY. ALWAYS. (CODY YOU WHORE.)
I have glitter still all over me despite the shower. How does this happen I don’t even…
Welcome to glitter hell. Love you all, look forward to next month and to ALL-CON, baby!
TAKE CARE, ROCKY SLUTS!
0 Show Report Oct 31 2012- Venetian Theatre
Hello kiddies!
We got to perform at a new theatre in Carrollton tonight called the Venetian. Beautiful place and the owners are as nice as they can be. They have full service bar and menu…delish!
We will be back to this venue so please stay tuned to when we will return.
There was a place backstage where we could change and see…it was so magical and wonderful! And we had a BLAST at this gilded column beauty. They have brand new everything and they are ready and open for a great time.
We had Britt as Frank, Heather as Janet, Danny as Brad, Jon as Riff, Patricia as Maggie, Jenny (her first time with us as Columbia – she did great!!), Dr. Scott was Pete, Rocky was Sean, Eddie was James, and the Criminologist was Eris.
I want some peanut butter toast.
There were Transies of greatness – Rachel, Renny, Amy, Snowflake, Baby June, and Leah.
I have “Sorry for Party Rocking” stuck in my head.
The techs were Gregg, James, FishNChips Paul, Jesse, Snow, Pete. Floorwalkers were Jason and Alex. I got to see Rebecca Paige and Kevin – wooooo!!!!
We had a blast at this theatre. The crowd was super energetic and there were these two people in the front row making out the entire time. Apparently it was their first blind date and I am not exactly sure how I feel about that BUT HEY…TO EACH THEIR OWN RIGHT…it was a fun show. I didn’t huryt myself but like three times, which is a bonus.
I am already supposed to be at a party.
Dammit.
LATER PEEPS!
0 Show Report Oct 27, 2012-Inwood Theatre
SO MANY PICTURES TO BE UPLOADED.
WHY ARE MANY OF THEM PICTURES OF GUY’S CROTCHES? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I’ve been going through all of the pics today while trying to get the website features to work well with one another, but oooh nooooo we aren’t going to do that. So I will keep trying to work on it. In the meantime, I will do the sorta-show reports.
Or maybe I will not. Maybe I will just say, this show was very very cool. Got to see some peeps I haven’t in a while and enjoyed the screaming and hollering. Much louder crowd than Friday! Look forward to doing it again next month. 😀
0 Show Report Oct 26, 2012- Inwood Theatre
Sorry so late. Issues with work. F-Britt, J-Jenny, B-Cody, R-Jon, M-Patricia, Co-Leah, Dr-Pete, Ro-Sean, E-James, Crim-Eris. Tech- A-Chance, B-Austin, cont….Board-Gregg, Sound-Sean, Danny, Grip-Snow, James, Jesse, Andy, David, FW-Alex,TK, David. Transies- everyone else who I will have tomorrow.
What this meant was: There were a lot of people out and who couldn’t get out of work!!! I am fairly certain I was half dead for the first part of the show. The programs were not cooperating, the car was packed to the brim, the makeup was all in my eyes, I had a wedgie the whole show…whine whine whine.
But.
BUT.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT.
There was Alex. And there was Gangnam Gamgham Gingham Style!!!! We rocked that shit!
Alex, of course, was Psy, complete with the powder blue with velvet trim coat. Jenny and Amy had pseudo matching gold and silver metallic color dresses as the sexy ladies, and towel boy twins Cody and Jeremy rocked it up. A giant yellow Zoot suit for Sean as the dancing DJ, and the Taco King rocked out the white pants…dear God I have never ever seen him in white pants…as the thruster. I don’t know what else you would call that part, exactly, other than…the thruster. Terrifying but accurately carried out. I wore sequins, and the backup dancers jived and spasmed as was needed. It was excellence.
From what I understand, our video went up on Rockypedia.org. Nicely done, peeps, nicely done!
The show…I watched everything and nothing. Storage was imminent and too much candy was had by all. Work the next day was hell. I don’t even.
Leah
0 Show Report Oct 20, 2012- Frisco Discovery Arts Center
Show report for Saturday October 20th
Report by Madame Leah
LINEUP – FRISCO!
Frank : Britt
Jennt : Jenny
Brad : Amy
Riff : Jon
Maggie : Patricia
Columbia : Madame Leah
Dr. Scott : Pete
Rocky : Sean
Eddie : James
Crim : Eris
SA : Chance
SB : Austin
Board : Gregg
Sound1 : Sean
Sound2 : Danny
Grips 1 : Canadian Dave
G2 : Snowflake
G3 : Sean
G4 : Cody
Props : Eris
Flooralkers 1 : Alex
FW2 : Jason
FW3 : Canadian Dave
FW4 : Cody
PreShow1 : Alex
PreShow2 : Jason
Virgins : Eris
Show Report : Jason
Piccies :
T1 – Abby
T2 – Hary
T3 – Heather
T4 – June
T5 – Little Amy
T6 – Renny
T7 – Snowflake
This one was interesting. We snared a few – 3 – new peeps for cast, and you discover just how much hair Britt has under his underwear. There is a lot of fur there, I am just saying.
I enjoy performing at this beautiful venue. There are many ways to plan for blocking and there is super duper air conditioning…we get our own dressing room and the staff is fantastic!
This show was gloriously fun and Danny didn’t even break anything, I was so proud of him. (By the way, if anyone can find us a blue globe…just sayin…)
I found gitter on my floor for three days.
That is all.
0 Show Report Sept 15, 2012- Frisco Discovery Arts Center
WELL. I just typed out a giant ass show report, then clicked something…yes, SOMETHING, which I do not know what…and then my screen went back to something else. I was almost finished with the bastard too.
FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am not re-typing it. Here are highlights:
~ Patricia is hot when she’s naked, you need to come see her play Maggie and her 2nd show
~ Eris was back, yay!
~ Cody got more cheers for lifting his leg during pre-show
~ Pete wore a pink fishnet bodysuit
~ Jenny didn’t pee herself
~ I had a camel toe the whole damn show
~ Danny still doesn’t know Crimmie
~ I didn’t kill James for neglecting to wear the fucking Eddle jacket
~ Jon did not give one single fuck, which was good for Riff
~ Snowflake had bedazzled Rocky shorts – OMG yes
~ I love the Discovery Center in Frisco because they are nice to us, we have giant ass dressing rooms and a backstage, a place to put things, air conditioning, and awesome new audience
~ Pumpkin pancakes and oatmeal season, yo.
~ Why the hell is ihop out of bacon?
~ Great show. Go team. Come see us on the 28th.
FUCK YEA. THAT’S HOW I ROLL.
Love to all
Madame Leah
0 Show Report Mar 15, 2012. ALL-CON
Hey sports fans! Belated All-Con report here, cause recovering from All-Con usually takes a few days. BECAUSE WE PARTY HARD. No, seriously. ALL THE PARTIES. First off, the lineup:
Frank: Britt
Janet: Kyle
Brad Wes
Riff Jon
Maggie: Bizah
Columbia: Adrienne
Dr. Scott: Pete
Rocky: Sean
Eddie: Cody
Crimmie: Charles
Transies: Abby, Eris, Heather, Mary, Snow, Amy, Patricia, Renny, Jenny
Tech/Sound/Props: Fish N Chips, Austin, James, Gregg, Nuggett, Danny, Sean, Cody
Floorwalkers : Jason, Sean, Cody, David, Charles, and Alex
All the sadness, because this was Wes’ last show. Or maybe the March 24th Inwood show was, I don’t know cause I missed it. But he’s going off to the military (be afraid, foreign vaginas), and is leaving us. Anyway, he pretty much got gang”loved” hard on the box during bedroom scene. WHICH HE SHOULD HAVE SEEN COMING.
Kyle continues to do good Janets, stepping into the role for her second time, and first time at a con. Wes and Britt did their best to terrify her with their penii though. She did turn the tables on Sean as Rocky, flipping him around and clamslamming him in the tank during Toucha.
Cody and the Gayboys did a gaydance to a gaysong by LMFAO (Looking Mainly For Anal Okay?) before the show which was an excuse to show off their bodies. Damn skinny rassin frassin dingdong rackin frackin…ok. So ladies eat that shit up, and I know at least one of them got laid on Saturday. It was Cody, Jon, Wes, Snow, and Britt. Place your bets. Mary and I (Jason, hi there) did rules and were awesome. Everybody laughed, three people had orgasms. Leah got all slutty/funbaggy on the crowd and made fourteen people go through puberty on the strength of her nipples alone.
We got hot Transies, yo. All pretty, all hot bodies, and they will be forced to interact with you before the show, so long as you have money to give them. Do it, fuckers.
All-Con is great, they hook us up with all the sweet access. We get badges and stay for the whole weekend, and we get a big ass suite to host a kickass party after the show. This year was no different, as we had punch, shots, jello shots, titties, ass, music, titties, titties, and titties. Saturday, we all hung out and enjoyed things. We took over the hot tub and were collectively sexy. The audience was awesome, and dressed up, and bought stuff, and was generally an excellent group of carbon based life forms. If you like anything, you’ll like All-Con, so make your reservations for next year, and you might get to third base with a Bastard!
http://www.all-con.org
facebook.com/losbastardoscast
1 Show Report: Feb 25, 2012
Show Report for February 25, 2012
by Jason!
We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! (again)
After a great October run, we were once again forced into pants and jobs, but thanks to the Inwood Theater, we were able to come back and do what we love…FOR YOU! We’re doing monthly shows at the Inwood for the near future, and hoping to make it a permanent home soon. Even without shows, we still managed to recruit some new Bastards, plus retain most of our old ones. Let’s see who they are:
Frank: Wes
Janet: Kyle
Brad: Megaaaan
Riff Raff: Jon
Magenta: Bizah
Columbia: Lyndi
Dr. Scott: Pete
Rocky: Britt
Eddie: James
The Criminologist: Charles
Transies: Abby, Eris, Heather, Madame Leah, Mary, Adrienne, Snowflake, Amy, Patricia, Renny, and Jenny
Floorwalkers: Jason, Jeremy, and Sean
Tech/Sound/Props: Austin, Paul, Nuggett, Gregg, Sean, Danny Chris, Robert, and Madame Leah
First off, HOLY BALLS there were a lot of virgins in the audience. Which is awesome, because if you’re going to pop your live show cherry, you want to do it with Los Bastardos. Also, the demographic…let’s say “skewed upwards” Meaning, there were a lot of olds. Which is sometimes scary, because we swear a lot and jiggle our boobies and stuff, but they LOVED IT. Everybody walking out of the theater had big smiles and wet pantfronts. Hell, next time we’ll mix in some jokes about Watergate and the moon landing (which was faaaaaaaaked). We had a big old crowd of people up on stage dancing before the show, which is hot. It’s a small stage too, so good job not falling off. We had a couple of birthday girls in the crowd tonight, one of which had MASSIVE FUN TITTIES. Big Titty Birthday Girl was very popular with the boys (and many of the girls), so I hope it was memorable, and that you aren’t litigious. We swore in the giant pile o’ virgins, and then it was time to start the show.
Kicking it off, we had a very special Brad and Janet. Kyle, one of our sweet clean Transies, was playing Janet for the first time anywhere, and she KILLED IT. And as her Brad, all the way from Queerios in Austin was MEGAAAAN!!! Bizah and Lyndi have been playing Magenta and Columbia (and with each other boobies) for many many shows, and they were joined by Jon as Riff for the first time in a while. Then, Time Warping occured, and we were joined by our returning Transies, as well as our four new ones. Amy and Patricia have done Rocky in College Station, and Jenny was on Houston and Austin casts before moving up and joining LB. This is Renny’s first cast, but she’s been an LB regular for a couple years. None of them messed up anything so badly that Leah had to step on stage and smack them, so congrats to them!
Wes was Frank, and you’d better enjoy him now, because he went and joined the military, so he’s only got a couple more shows before he ships out to violate the women of the nation…nay, the world. He violated all over Britt, not that you’ll ever hear Britt complain about it. James came out as Eddie, and a picture perfect lift with Lyndi that got a huge ovation from the audience. And Pete…oh Pete, you finally get a real ramp, but it’s too steep for Dr. Scott to roll up with unaided. Still…it’s a ramp.
Darkest moment of the night was probably when Frank gets shot, and as Rocky goes over to pick him up, “I Will Always Love You” comes over the speakers, prompting the best sound ever, the simultaneous laugh/groan that lets us know we hit just the right line between dark and funny. A great time was had by all, and we had all the fun bringing it to you. Next stop is All-Con on March 16th, and then back to the Inwood March 24th. We sold this show out several days before, so get your tickets early for the 24th.
Rocky Horror Picture Show - Dallas/Fort Worth/Denton Metroplex 