Bastards in History…
Take One… from Madame Leah’s perspective…
Up to this point, the history of Los Bastardos has not been recorded or recognized. So, much like Bush Jr.’s college career and the teenage years of Jesus, it might be fuzzy and incomplete due to holes and lack of knowledge. I will say this though, if any of you that were there back in the day have info that isn’t in here, or something on here that you have a reason to question or know more can be added to, please email me! The rest of the Bastards and most certainly I, would like to know more info if you have it… I am going through the eras by theatres, because it will be easier for everyone to follow and find that way. Bad Luck Bastards, the saga begins…
March 1998-December 1998 —
The Birth of Los Bastardos
This is where it all began, from the way I understand. Alex was there, as a manager, at Furneaux. He and Ryan Briggs decided that it was well past time for a new Rocky cast to come about in DFW. There was much talk about a name, and Alex joked that they needed to name it something Spanish so they would draw a crowd from the Hispanics in the area. It is totally possible there was too much liquor or other potential substances involved, but the end result was, Los Bastardos was born.
They got a cast together, built from old Rocky Vets and people from here and there that were on this cast or that cast that just wanted a change. LB’s first performance was May 16th, 1998, at the Furneaux Theatre.
First performing LB lineup at Furneaux Creek, 2008…
Brad- Mary Smith
Dr. Scott- Random Audience Member
Rocky- Kevin O’ Connor
Eddie- Ryan Briggs
Transies- None at first
Techies- Kevin Arthur, Nuggett
Pre-Show- Alex and Ryan
Floorwalkers- Ryan, Bunch, Tiny
At the show, there were lots of new faces, and some older Rocky vets. Among the audience was what we fondly call “The Jew Crew” with Mister Saturn at the helm. You will read more about him later on… On down the line and after they lost the first theatre, Alex decided he would rather participate and no longer direct. Gwen took over as Director at this point, and the newly formed Bastards needed a new place to perform. Bad luck, I guess…
Bedford UA Theatre
June 1999-October 2000
Enter the Bedford years…this is where I showed up. LB just got the theatre, and the new managers David and Dogma were awesome people. They loved the cast as much as the cast loved them, and it showed. They bought personalized T-shirts for the cast, out of their own pockets. This is what we call love, ladies and gentlemen. This was also the first time I saw Rocky live in a theatre as opposed to on TV. I went because my best friend, Margaret (they called her Margo) was on cast, and she kept pushing me to go. Eventually, I broke down and went with her.
There were only about 12 people running around, and it was a smallish theatre with lots of red. The cast was friendly but back then I kinda didn’t like people I didn’t know touching me, so I wasn’t really too keen on Scott groping me while I was sitting in the second row. Pre-Show began. Big Jeremy and Bunch got up there and started Pre-Show, yelling and hollering about all the bad things that were about to happen. Then they make all the non-virgins get up, and I just sat there, alone and terrified. I hunkered down as they surrounded me…and then there were crotches in my face, and all around. It was something straight out of a bad porn, or a horror movie. It was just wrong. I felt violated. And then they moved, and thank GOD they left me alone. 4 others with matching V’s also on their foreheads ended up at the front, yelling out an orgasm of their favorite animal. I thank God every day that I was not up there. My Rocky career would have been over before it started. And then the speech, where we all pledged our allegiance to the film…my soul will forever be tainted!!!
They started screaming about starting the movie, lights went down, and Opening Dance (or what the rest of the Rocky world calls “Science Fiction”) began. There were six people onstage. From left to right, we had Magenta (Margo), Rocky (Scott), Janet (Gwen), Brad (Little Joe), Columbia (Erin), and Riff Raff (Vanessa). I just stared at them. It was much different than the movie. I loved the way they sang and were so true to their characters. Ryan was in front of me, working on Lightboard. I stared at the huge chunk of wood with switches on it. Ryan had gobs of fake blood dripping down his face. He turned and looked at me, and asked me what I thought of it all. He had very pretty eyes. I smiled and replied I found it all very interesting. The song ended, the cast all screamed as the lips hit the church, and Margo came to me and drug me out of my seat. I didn’t want to go, I was afraid of what she was going to do to me…or more so what THEY were going to do. She shoved a bouquet of white flowers in my hands and that confused me enough to get me out of the seat and onto the stage. I was surrounded by makeup and costume clad freaks and Margaret tells me to smile…is she NUTS??? They take a fake picture, and then she shoves me to the center of the stage. “Just toss the bouquet back here, you can look at the movie screen to tell you when…” so I stand there and talk to someone (…Takeyla? What the hell is that about???) and wait to throw the bouquet… “OK you guys, this is it….ready…” aaaaaaaand THROW! The Gwen girl catches it, in her little pink dress. Margaret says I did well, and Big Jeremy leads me offstage. I sit back down, the fear subsiding, trying to breathe. Ryan looks at me. He giggles softly, and says, “It’s ok, you did fine. It’s all over now.” God, was he ever wrong…
Ten years and ten thousand shows later I am still here, but it is just a little different. Rocky has become a part of me, and Los Bastardos is a part of me. Shaped and molded little by little over the years, I have become something I never ever dreamed myself to be…a Rocky Horror Picture Show Cast Director. Just something I never saw myself as, or even thought about. Yet here I am… And back to Bedford. There are so many pieces of things in my memory that I could not possibly remember them all.
Here are some of the things that I remember about the Bedford days: ~ Sample lineup from the Bedford days:
Dr. Scott- Melton
Transies- Theresa, Carrie
Techies- Ryan Stone, Dick, Chad
Pre-Show- Alex and Bunch
Floorwalkers- Ryan, Bunch, Big Jeremy 2K
~ Denny’s in Euless…God forsaken?place! Blowjob under the table??? What the hell?
~ Little Joe’s small stature. They made fun of him all the time because he was so little. And then he dropped his pants. Welcome, come one come all, meet the first horse penis on LB. (His girlfriends always hated Rocky.)
~ The damned broken print. Pool scene was missing, and Superheroes. Eventually we got Superheroes. Then they added pool scene. Then we lost the theatre…yup, Bad Luck Bastards.
~ Damon. What the hell else do I need to say about that???
~ Mason sleeping in one of the theatre chairs during cast meeting on Friday.
~ Gwen’s knee high black lace up boots…those were so awesome, they inspired me to buy my own.
~ Gay Matt (the one that played Frank) saying “A slouch is the sexiest thing that a woman can wear.” I don’t know where he got that, but it was ok because I had one on at the time and found it awfully amusing. He borrowed it to prance around in his living room with a bitch beer.
~ Brian cutting off all his hair. That was special.
~ Disney show! That had some awesome makeup and costumes! Talk about ghettoing it up. The characters were totally appropriate for their people…Gwen was Alice, Damon was Jessica Rabbit, Kelly was Maleficent, Erin was Tinkerbell, Little Joe was Peter Pan, and Alex was Aladdin – with Abu attached, among many others. Good times!
~ Jon Whatshisbutt as Columbia. God save my sight, please… shudders
~ Cast meeting? What the hell is a cast meeting? Maybe once a month? Lineup is a call from Gwen on Saturday evening, or the lineups don’t change. Just easier this way!
~ Damon and / or Alex as Frank pulling a banana out of Scott’s (Rocky’s) pants…and eating it…that ALWAYS got a good reaction.
~ There were smaller numbers during the Bedford days. What they lacked in number and in character, they always made up in creativity. Nothing ever got Gwen down. She always had a solution for something if it went to hell. She was like, “OK well that sucks…what are we gonna do now…let’s try THIS…” and off we went. I really liked that.
~ Back in the day, there were 2 thin metal or PVC spotlights, a mag light, and a huge wooden lightboard. There was no such thing as Grip, because there was really no big props. So, Ryan Stone did Eddie, Lightboard, and Grip all in one. Brad and Penguin, sometimes Margaret, did Spots A and B. Dick was there with his headset, doing the same thing Ryan Stone did. Gotta love multitaskers! These guys NEVER bitched as much as my current cast does. (You guys are so damned spoiled you don’t even KNOW how good you have it!!! Stop your whining!!! LOL)
November 2000-February 2001
After Bedford changed management and then closed, LB went back to Carrolton for a brief stay at the once-more opened Furneaux…cast and Rocky antics were the same as Bedford, but alas, it was not to be. The theatre closed down again and the traveling cast went forth to the grand town of Arlington…
April 2001-October 2001
Patrick Prejusa of WTW, Nathan, and DeWayne the Fire-Eater were the managers here at the Forum Theatre in Arlington. Quite possibly, one of the greatest nights in LB history was opening night at the Forum. Alex performed “That’s the Way” which I will never EVER forget, and we danced to YMCA and other tunes. I joined cast prior to the opening at Forum, and was scheduled as Spot B. There was no way I was going on stage. This was the first night I was officially on cast at a performance. It was an awesome thing to watch. Margaret trained me on Spot B, and Brad was my counterpart Spot A. It stayed like that for a long time. I enjoyed Spot B, so long as I had a towel on my shoulder so it wouldn’t burn a hole through my clothes. One week much later, Gwen asked us who would be interested in Magenta auditions. I was interested, but wasn’t about to say anything. I was still shy around cast and audience. I didn’t say all that much back then, and I went to work and not play. I didn’t go to hang out all that much, which confused most of the current cast. I had waited from 1998 to 2001 to join cast, just to make sure I had the time to devote to it that I felt was necessary. Time was always highly regulated back then, since I was in college full time and working mostly full time. Add Rocky to that and there less than zero time left. I also had a boyfriend that didn’t like Rocky, so if I ever wanted to see him, it couldn’t be there. LOL. Good times! Anyway, back to the story. I didn’t say anything about wanting to play Magenta. Margaret volunteered me, which I did somewhat appreciate. Gwen thought it sounded like a good idea, and told me to practice. I said ok. A couple other people were interested, too, so Gwen said auditions would be the next Friday, and we would perform on Saturday. By the next Friday night, I knew the part well, because I had always watched (I was Spot B, after all, I knew everything by that point) and of course Margaret had worked with me during the week… “The best thing about Maggie is you get to be the bitch. She does what she wants, even moreso than Frank. There is no one in this show you cannot stare down if you play Maggie. Ooze sex. Be bored. It is ok, because that is what she does. Just let out your inner bitch.” And so I did. I auditioned, and got the part. The next day I found my dress, sewed on the sleeves, and borrowed Margaret’s apron. I had knee high black boots that Gwen said “would work”, so I used them. Get to theatre. Margo helps me with my makeup. “Your hair is fine, just leave it alone!” I get my stockings on. I am shaking. I have never performed onstage in a theatre production. Band, yes. Choir, solos all the time. But theatre…eh…. Pre-Show begins and ends. Jeremy tells me to calm down. Speech is over. I try not to fall over. I try not to hyperventilate. Margaret is on Spot tonight, because she hurt herself and can’t perform. She smiles at me. Gwen gives me a thumbs up and smiles as Science Fiction begins. I am terrified.
Then the lights go on at “LIPS”…and I become a different person. Something greater than me takes over my very being. I take over the role, I own it, I become one with the Maggie, and arise triumphant. I sneer, I smirk, I ignore. I look at my nails. I toss my hair at Brian, who is my Riff. I poke Columbia’s huge buttzilla butt. I yawn at Frank. I dance the Time Warp, and regard Rocky with disdain. I laugh cruelly at Janet’s misfortune, and yell at Frank. I have a haughty and penetrating stare. I have become what I intended to be. I am Magenta.
I will never forget that night. My cast congratulates me, and the audience asks where else I played Magenta prior to LB. I will never get over the shock and joy I felt when they all asked. It was a great feeling. I felt as if I had done something great. I did the cast well, Alex said, and Gwen said it was a great performance. Margaret said she couldn’t even tell I was scared. That said something for it in itself. I couldn’t believe I had done it. After that point, it wasn’t so hard to get onstage. I didn’t play that much, I really liked Tech. I learned Spot A just because I knew B, and learned Lightboard. I knew all the Grip and Tech cues, I knew all the Transies cues and duties. I learned all the other parts by doing Spot. Within six months, I knew almost all the basic cues of every character onstage. I was doing ok. Life was good.
And then Patrick (who I just adore) tells us that the mall and the theatre it is attached to is shutting dow?. The cast is grief stricken. We were so happy there. Things were going so well. We determined that LB’s last show at the Forum would be the Friday before Halloween, and we would start at a new theatre the next night. Luckily for us, another gentleman had already been trying to get a hold of us in the meantime…
Brad- Little Joe
Dr. Scott- JC
Transies- Liz, Delia, Amber, Amanda
Techies- Ryan Stone, Leah, Brad
Pre-Show- Alex, Damon, Big Jeremy 2K
Floorwalkers- Big Jeremy 2K, Damon, Wes
Other great Forum Theatre moments:
~ Live bands before the show, either outside or in the closed mall. This was cool because it was a mostly industrial area; no one called the cops because we were surrounded by commercial and industrial stuffs.
~ This is where the Juggalos came from. Every cast has them. We put ours to use as permanent Cast Security. That way, no one would break into our cars during the show or try to get all that fresh with us. Motumbo, Scrub, Annie, and J-Rock were great, but I was honestly more afraid of Alexa than any of the rest of them. LOL. Ahh, gunshots in the parking lot every Saturday night…now those were good times!
~ Night of the Living Teddy Bears and Erotic Vegetables from WTW
~ We sold out all the time! It was such an awesome location!
~ Ahh memories… The floor in the theatre sloped and was really sticky, so we threw down some old beige carpet and duct taped it into place. We didn’t ever have to move it because it didn’t matter… I don’t think they ever cleaned the floor.
~ The “backstage” was some wooden 4x4s and sheets that we rigged up in order to have somewhere to change. It was totally ghetto but it worked. Good times trying to change in a 5×5 space with 6 other people.
~ We had our own room for the props at the top of the theatre, where there was a huge mirror on one side where we could do our makeup. It was crowded but good for makeup.
October 2001-December 2001
George was the owner of the beautiful Medallion Theatre in Dallas. He was a long-time Rocky fan, and one of the nicest gentlemen you will ever meet. He had owned the theatre for years and years, and had taken care of it like no other. The walls were painted with scenes from many, many movies, from Wizard of Oz (which is where we came up with that theme show) to Bruce Lee, Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett, to the Lips themselves gracing the area above the concession stands in the front lobby. Our theatre was decorated in Mardi Gras colors, and had permanent Mardi Gras masks, one happy, one sad, in green, purple, and gold underneath the screen. The theatre was a smaller and older one, but beautiful inside and out. George really cared about the theatre, and about us. He took good care of us for the brief amount of time that we were there. Shortly after our arrival, he told us the news that he had lost his proposition and the City was in fact going to rezone the area and demolish his beautiful theatre in order to make way for a piece of crap Kohl’s or Kroger store. Never in my life have I been so angry about urban development. I ranted for days…I still do on occasion, because it is a blasphemous shame to bulldoze a building so fine and loved to put in something so insignificant and commonplace. The end result was, we got kicked out again, which was sad, but I was much more angry and hurt by the disappearance of something so beautiful and dear to my heart and, no doubt, the thousands of other people that had attended that theatre during the past 30 odd years it was open.
Brad- Little Joe
Dr. Scott- Gay Jay
Transies- Stacy, Alexa, Rachel
Techies- Ryan Stone, Leah, Brad, Stacy
Pre-Show- Damon, Big Jeremy 2K
Floorwalkers- Big Jeremy 2K, Wes
Other good times at Medallion:
~ Enter “My” Jukebox, which looked nothing like the one in the movie. It big rectangular cube thing painted black, with a step in the back and castors on it for easy moving. I painted the front of it to look like a jukebox, and put fire and flames all over it, and “LOS BASTARDOS” on it in some cryptic writing. I knew it wasn’t “screen accurate” but I loved it, was proud of it, and it suited the cast’s personality very well.
~ We performed “Look What I Did to My Id” from Shock Treatment.
~ JC wore the cow outfit!
~ Daniel sold his soul to LB.
Ridgmar Movie Tavern
March 2002-January 2003
LB searched for a little bit, and soon thereafter found a new home with Dennis and company with a new theatre in town, the Ridgmar Movie Tavern and Co. Back then, the grand metropolis of DFW had plenty of theatres and chains to choose from and was not limited by the muti-mega-plex giants that we see so often today. The Movie Tavern was an independent company that thought it might be good to have a little more variety. We pitched it to them, and they liked the idea of after-midnight revenue. The Bastards first show was last week of March in 2002, and we performed straight through ‘til January of 2003, when the TABC found some minors drunk in the theatre. Even though they are not officially paid to be the “moral police”, certain members of the organization took it upon themselves to impose an ultimatum to the Tavern which basically amounted to…if the ultimately immoral show Rocky Horror remained at the theatre, the Tavern would lose its liquor license. Not wanting to cause drama, we stopped performing at the Tavern, with the intention to let things die down a bit. We loved the Tavern and its management and in no way wanted to harm them or their image. After a while, we decided it wasn’t going to start back up, for various reasons. The Bastards began to look for a new home in the meantime. Good times during the OLD Ridgmar days…
~ Check out the archives…there are some good ones in there. Theme shows, Sid and Nancy, Wizard of Oz, Halloween frenzy, the Tent that Never Was, etc.
~ This was my first time to play several characters…first it was Columbia, which I was scared but not nearly as scared as Magenta. Then Frank for Name Out of the Hat Show, and Transie (finally!!!), which I loved to play.
~ We were known as “The Rockies” back then, to all the Ridgmar staff.
~ We met Matt Daddy, who was the theatre manager that had to put up with us during the early years. He hated us at first and thought we were all weird and stupid. We reeled him in over time because he likes boobs, HA HA HA HA HA…joke is on you, Matt Daddy!
~ Enter Animal and his big freakin’ mouth. God I hate him sometimes (yes I had to go there!). LOL. But he brought us a whole new level of awesome from the land of Indianapolis and Chicago. He and I built the first Tank together, and then MBX (Magic Box X, Magic Block, Box of Death, The Block That Must Not Be Named, etc.), and then the screen accurate jukebox. Those were the good times, getting splinters in my feet and painting inside because there wasn’t a space big and flat and clean enough outside that time of year to paint the damn props…
~ I found a screen accurate feather duster at The Dollar Tree! It was the greatest thing EVER!
~ Our popularity continued to grow. We went to cons and shows all over the place, and people heard of us. It was an amazing thing to watch the cast grow and succeed.
~ In August of 2002, Gwen announces at cast meeting one night that she will be leaving to pursue acting in California, and wants us all to submit essays on who they want to be the next Cast Director of Los Bastardos, and why. You all can figure out what happens from there…
~ The Ridgmar is our home, what can I say…
The Rock in Deep Ellum
February 2003-November 2003
It was a while before we performed again on a weekly basis, but we were lucky enough to find a small venue in Dallas called The Rock, owned by an awesome guy named Louie. He was an old Rocky fan and loved to watch us strut our stuff. Small venue, but great owner. We had fun performing there. Unfortunately during this time, several members of cast decided that LB was no longer worth their time. Some because they were not getting constant ego attention, some because other things became more important in their lives, and some just because they wandered off somewhere else, as Rocky people tend to do at times. Either way, cast was reduced once again to about 13 people, and I had double duty for Transies, Eddies, Dr. Scotts, and sometimes Crimmies. The Tech was reduced to three people once more, which was good times. God bless LB Tech, you guys rocked like no other during these times. You make me proud.
Other good times at The Rock:
~ As I said, Louie (the owner) totally rocked. I loved him!
~ Performed same night one time as the band Necrotonz…they were cool and I really enjoyed that.
~ Less people = more duties per person = cover every part = very tight group!
~ There were LOTS of Bastard parties during these times. Since we didn’t have a consistent weekly show, we could hang out more (more fun and less work).
Some good party times include but are in no way limited to: Paul 2/Weddingcake Paul running around naked with a beer and a bicycle helmet on, Bobbi’s wifebeater shirt, way too much of Leah’s Punch, Chicago the movie/musical, the damned Pink Hello Kitty Umbrella Incident, Kelly rolling around the floor drunk and squishing all the piñata candy, the two white rats named Oubliet and Goblin, 17 cats that resided outside my house because I loved to feed them, the Queerios coming up all the time – WOOT! – DDR and dancing leprechauns, bad karaoke, the Starman Matt Appreciation Party, The first Bastard Luau, Animal’s Arabian Nights theme birthday, Halloween cabaret party, OJ (the bird that killed his mate) and his little white and yellow feathered head, a torn apart engine for the 85 iRoc sitting in the living room for several months, the many many fun hot tub adventures, Lesbian Hurricane, and God Bless the Bastards 4th of July (aka “MY EYE! MY HAND! MY LEG!” among other phrases). ~ The cast was very tight during this time. The cast that stuck around or joined during that time, anyway. We lost a lot of people during this time. Some might say it was a very dark time (and it was at times) but I believe that, in the end, it was worth everything we went through in order to get the cast we have.
Dr. Scott- Starman Matt
Eddie- Weddingcake Paul
Transies- Weddingcake Paul, Tony, Hedwig, Angie
Techies- Randal, James, Mikey
Pre-Show- Starman Matt
Floorwalkers- Starman Matt, Animal
Ridgmar Movie Tavern
November 2004 – January 2011
No longer the current days… Dennis, MattDaddy, Jeff, and crew decided the time had come to bring Rocky Horror back to the Ridgmar, so we worked out the details for another run at our home theatre. The result was quite successful. Since we didn’t have an official theatre for so long, the cast that remained was very dedicated to LB, and to the show itself. There was much less crap and drama that a number of other Rocky casts have, because everyone who was left was more focused on the show instead of stirring up trouble in order to get attention. To this day, the show is much more disciplined and organized now than it was back in the day. This is something I have worked very hard on in order to get right, and continue to work on every day. There is a very fine line between genuine chaos and the controlled appearance of chaos in Rocky Land. Over the years, I think this little trick has developed into something favorable for LB. I am so proud of what Los Bastardos has become, and some of the positive changes I have seen in the people I call my Bastards. Even after people leave, they are still my Bastards. I hope that the cast continues to improve and grow over the coming years. To check out favorite times of the “current” days, check out the bios section, or the pics section. A picture tells more than anything I have to say ever would. Here are some other people’s stories and memories that they have sent and such…
Here’s a early Los Bastardos story. I’m talking as early as you can get. My name is Johnny. I started performing Rocky at the Walnut Twin dollar theater with the Trixies Toys (or whatever the hell it was called ) under the directorship of Scott McRainey. At the time I was dating our Magenta, Mary. She was just some girl with a weird bull ring piercing between her breasts and a 1967 black Ford Mustang that hung around the cast long enough that we gave her a part. Continuing on. Now word gets back to us that and old Rocky Almuni named Alex Sanchez wanted to put together his own Rocky cast in Carrollton. Now of course we’re a little nervous. Not only is this guy Alex from “old school” Rocky, he a manager at the theater where he’s wanting to put his show on at. He had more money, better props and a entire theater at his disposal. Needless to say, my cast is freaking out. Mary leaves our cast and joins the newly formed Los Bastardos and it didn’t take long for word to get back to us how much more professional their show was than ours. Not to mention that they brought in somewhere between 180-200 audience members on their opening night. Needless to say, I sat McRainey down and told him that I too was moving on to better things. To this day, it’s still one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I get on cast as Brad soon after. Things are going great. Numbers are good, shows are awesome and the cast for the most part is getting along great. Now while I’m walking around the ol’ Walnut Twin visiting old friends, I see this group of girls who came to watch their show. Now mind you, I’ve got on red Converse sneakers, a bulky overcoat and hair down to my ass. Not so much the stud I thought I was. But I went over to try to get the cutest one’s number. She only gave me her number because I told her that I too was a part of a Rocky show that needed a Magenta as Mary has since run off to do god knows what to god knows who. The cute girl’s name was Mackinzie and damn, I wanted in her pants in the worst way. Kenzie comes aboard Los Bastardos and immediately, we’re attached at the hip. We’re flirting our brains out at rehearsal, during the show, even at the Waffle House after the show. Hell, our first kiss was at that same Waffle House. Eventually, my day job’s start ti?e gets a little earlier and I have to drop out of the show. Kenzie leaves soon after. We don’t see each other for months. One day, I look her up and drive an hour from Garland to Arlington just to say Hi to her. That was back in 1999 (I think ). Since then we’ve been together for 9 years, married for 4 months and are anxiously anticipating our first child, due at the end of August. All thanks to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Joined in 2000, primarily so I didn’t have to pay to get in. My favorite Pre-Show skit was Hey Mickey, even though I never got to perform it. Gwen and her butt-zilla broke my knee when I was playing Eddie! Six’ll fit! Bend over and I will show you… 8712! Pie!
Joined Summer, 1998. I blame Alex and Ryan (my roommate) for getting me into it! J’ACCUSE!!!! Favorites: Dead Dr. Scott, me covered in peanut butter dancing to Whip It, Spanish Announcer…and boobies. Anytime there was a good Floorwalking performance was good, playing Brad with a fever sucks. I enjoyed Floorwalking the most because I didn’t have to wear panties. And, Rocky is the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
Joined 1998. because I was forced at gunpoint. I liked the Mini-Bunch Pre-Show, and the Disney show. I don’t remember lineups or anyone because I fucking hate everyone on cast. I didn’t like any of the parts but got stuck doing Crimmie way too much. I also did the Nazi guy in the wheelchair a few times. My favorite moment was the day I left cast. The worst time was pretty much every time I was there. I don’t even know what the fuck Los Bastardos means.
Joined November 1998. Basically anything that Ryan and Alex did for Pre-Show was awesome, and my favorite show was Halloween at Bedford. My favorite times were at IHOP when the cast was still at Furneaux Creek. Worst time was a Denton show that we did, and I got super sick and had to go lay down in Brad’s dorm room.
Joined April 2005, ‘cause I love the movie and the cast. I loved the Bill and Ted show! I loved being involved with all the wonderful and scary people…great cast parties, watching molestation, and love for and from the other people was good times. Worst times are drama at rehearsals…saying goodbye to friends…I LOVE YOU ALL! MAY LB LAST FOREVER!
Joined June 2005…I liked them. I loved the Pirate show, and my favorite Pre-Show was the boy-cheerleaders as Hey Mickey. The cast has been the family I needed, and I met Jery there, and we are still together. Cast drama sucks sometimes but the best times are cast parties and working together to make a better show.
Joined July 1998…favorite show was the Star Wars costume show, and Iloved Spanish Announcer. I love playing Riff Raff because you get to be creepy, spastic, and mellow all in an hour and a half. I hate playing Brad!
Joined 2001, at the Forum. I love boys! Loved the Alice show and the Pirates show. I also am fond of the penis piano player pre-show video from back in the day. I love playing Brad and Riff, getting to be dorky AND creepy!!! ZZZZZZZAP!!! Los Bastardos = BASTARDS NEVER SAY DIE!!! It was such a great cast before, and it has continued to improve with the years, awesome!!!…(Or maybe I have no idea….) My favorite moments: Giving Gwen lots of boob hickies…cooter juice…EWWW!!! Gwen using a sock as a pad…Satine and Christian, Damon eating a jar of mayo! If I had anything to add it would be some calves and a bigger butt.
Joined November 1999, had nothing better to do. I liked the Dead Celebrity show the best, and the Toothbrush Olympics Pre-Show was the best even though I almost puked watching it. I enjoyed the audience, the cast, the sparkly costumes… My favorite time on cast was meeting Brian. My worst time was also meeting Brian.
I don’t think I ever joined, Gwen forced me. Ha ha ha did I enjoy Rocky I don’t think so. Favorite time was Buttzilla…I don’t know leave me alone. Vagina. Penis. Breasts. Eyeballs. Nostril.
Joined long long time ago in July 1999. My favorite theme show was any of them that I did not perform in. I liked Spanish Announcer…I held a flashlight. I enjoyed Eddie. Gwen needed me to play and said “Hey Ryan, play Eddie…”. The best time was anytime I did a good lift and people went crazy. Worst times? Jugglos. I love my Rocky people!!!
Did I actually join cast? I never liked Rocky Horror. My favorite was Halloween as Brandon Lee. Everything else sucked. I like Tech. I hate everything else. But it was fun to play Rocky and Columbia because I am a man. My favorite part was the time we had the Name Out of the Hat show and I drew Brad…I got to smack Leah in the face with my testicles.
Been around since 1990…I was bored. I liked the Drag Show, and Jason covered in peanut butter. I like Floorwalking the best because I get to let out my turrets, Dead Dr. Scott, and being drunk.
Joined cast 2000, did it for the chicks! My favorites were the Nightmare Before Christmas and Halloween theme shows, and Alex doing That’s The Way. I love Columbias… The Bastards are the oddball, unwanted, illegitimate urchins of the night…that is what Los Bastardos stands for. I also enjoyed laughing at Naked Paul, Yatta!!!!, all the great Pre-Shows, and Damon eating the jar of mayo (you know I had to put a condom in it…). Dislikes….cleaning the theatre, Gwen’s Iron Fist, and finding NEW theatres…. I ❤ my Bastards!
Joined cast during the Clinton Administration, solely because of Gwen’s boobs. My favorite theme show was the first Easter show, where I was Rocky as Jesus. My favorite parts were obviously?Gwen’s boobs, the banana gag, and playing Rocky opposite Erin and being griped at for not making contact in “Toucha”. Good times! Worst times…being drunk in the front of the audience for the switch show and Jeremy’s panties snapped off and flew across the stage (funny, but I still carry the scars…). Oh, and Juggalos. Rocky was one of the most fun times I have had in my life. I miss so many of the people and the whole show.
I am one of the Founding Fathers of LB. I started it because I was desperately lonely. I like Drag Show, Dead Dr. Scott, and the best of LB was the Opening Night; the very first LB show ever. I like Floorwalking the best because it left me more time to pursue getting laid. Los Bastardos in my opinion is Rocky as legitimate, professional theatre. The Real Deal. Other things to add to this? 1+1=2
I am the retired Director, joined in 1998…long long time ago. I joined because I wanted to play Columbia, dammit! My favorites were Dead Celebrity show, Spanish Announcer, Toothbrush Olympics, JC crapping his pants dressed as a giant cow, and making lifelong friends. LB to me is being an individual in a sea of individuals. Worst times were the Juggalos. I must add that I have a booger.
Alex “El Bastardo del Grande”
I started the cast with Ryan in 1998, mainly because I had no friends. Some of my favorite times include playing MANgenta for the Drag Show, peanut butter Bunch, and anytime I got to play Brad, because I got to play around the most when playing Brad. I really liked the Whether the Weather short movies and Halloween of 1998 also. My worst moment on LB was when I decided to retire. Los Bastardos is from a Primus song of the same title… It was a name that didn’t sound like a typical Rocky Horror Cast name. Plus, it sounded appropriately vulgar. I am extremely proud of the legacy that is Los Bastardos.
I could post a million different stories about performances that stand out in my mind – Damon being awesomely hot as Frank, Cupcake’s unfailingly funny Brad, Leah being the sexiest Magenta in the world, Billiam adding some cool to sitting in the busted-down Dr. Scott chair… but the fact is that the most important thing that came out of Rocky for me is meeting Wes. Many of you will know as Milkman Wes, one of the cast’s longest-running Crimmies (I believe he ties for that title with Slappy if I’m not mistaken). Our first flirtation was even catalogued on the cast mailing list (posts #9289 and 9294. He gave me his YIM and I uncharacteristically found the balls to actually use it. The rest is history. Whatever other amazing friends and amazing experiences I’ve had with Rocky (and there are a TON, up to and including getting to take both my mom and my sister to their first Rocky shows with LB), meeting the guy I’m gonna spend my life with has got to be the best.
I had joined the Bedford cast in late 99, Erin actually was the one that dubbed me Toolie. I started out doing Tech, moved to Transie, which I got them doing the stupid Transie Style River Dance, gawd. I understudied for Rocky when Scott went out sick (too drunk to perform), and a brief stent as Riff following that older creepy guy I think his name was Pepper? Any ways, You could pro?ably ask Gwen or Damon or even my long haired compadray Dick if they even remember Toolie. I left the scene doing what I dreamed of, taking one last look at an empty theater wereing high heels, fishnets, and thinking to myself, “I’m gong home”.
There are so many other stories out there… FORMER BASTARDS AND AUDIENCE MEMBERS, IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SHARE ABOUT BACK IN THE DAY, DROP ME AN EMAIL. I SIMPLY CANNOT REMEMBER EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS OR SO…I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING AND READING STORIES FROM ALL OF YOU ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE TIMES WITH LB.
Other performances and guest appearances include:
Insomnia, Dallas (Little goth club, back in the day)
Beautiful Creatures, Houston (With Houston cast)
University of North Texas, Denton (Jello wrestling ahoy!)
University Theatre, Commerce (College town)
Spankee’s, Dallas (Nightclub)
Resurrection, Arlington (Another little gothling club)
The Church, Dallas (Dallas’ official goth club)
Lakewood Theatre, Dallas (Beautiful place, do NOT touch the cones!)
Cinema 8, Austin (with the Queerios!)
Alamo Drafthouse Theatre, Austin (with the Queerios!)
University of Texas at Dallas (Society of Women Engineers)
Hangman’s House of Horrors, Fort Worth (yearly)
Grayson’s County Line, Azle (Rock and Country club – good times)
Austin College, Sherman (Another great college venue)
Frontier Hotel, Las Vegas (We did unofficial Pre-Show skits here during the Rocky Con; didn’t have time to put together an actual OFFICIAL show, but I say it counts ‘cause lots of people saw and figured out who we were by then…well at least the Bastard Girls…oh yea…)
John B’s, Arlington (Super clean bar in Arlington)
Ben’s ½ Yard House, Dallas (This place is awesome, but closed nowdays)
Denton Movie Tavern (YAY DENTON! We are the official DENTON cast! How many RHPS casts can claim that?)
All-Con, Dallas (yearly)
A-KON, Dallas (yearly)
We are available and ready to perform in your venue. If you are interested in hiring Los Bastardos, please EMAIL ME and I will be happy to discuss it with you and yours.
Thanks for reading, and love to all, my Rocky sluts!
~ Madame Leah