Host- Lee 

Frank – Brett (O’Brien’s Orchestra)

Janet – Macy (O’Brien’s Orchestra)

Brad – Andra (O’Brien’s Orchestra)

Riff – Comrade Eva (Los Bastardos)

Magenta/Trixie – Mina (Houston/Columbia’s Closet)

Columbia – Kim (Santa Clara)

Eddie – Ace (Los Bastardos)

Dr. Scott – Mark (O’Brien’s Orchestra)

Rocky – Billy (O’Brien’s Orchestra)

The Criminologist – Sonnet (Los Bastardos)

Transylvanians – Mayhem (Los Bastardos), Rose (Los Bastardos), Hunty (Los Bastardos), and Ky (Honorary Bastard)

Spotlights – Luna (Los Bastardos) and Victor (Los Bastardos)

I would like, ah, if I may, to take you on a strange journey- TO THE BRAUNTEX THEATER! This was not your usual show- no, it was special. Brauntex Theater has continuously shown Rocky Horror Picture Show over the last few years, and thanks to all of the incredibly talented folks involved, we were able to organize an epic crossover show with a shadowcast performance with performers from all around Texas! In this crossover episode, we had members from O’Brien’s Orchestra and Los Bastardos, as well as folks from San Antonio, Houston, and even Santa Clara! Whether you’ve pledged your die-hard loyalty to a particular cast, or are simply a crazed Rocky Horror fan, there was surely a new face for everyone. 

It was a sunny day in Dallas, TX when Los Bastardos packed into our cars and started the five hours of hypnotic highway driving. After many snack breaks, Los Bastardos finally arrived at Brauntex Theater with a whopping six hours to spare. After consuming slightly concerning amounts of caffeine and eating our weights in german cuisine, it became time for us to rehearse for what was about to be the most epic crossover show in ages.

The audience quickly filled with a variety of costumes, sequins, and minimally-clothed Rocky Horror sluts! The energy buzzed around as audience and cast members took advantage of Brauntex’ stiff drinks and fresh popcorn, absolute bangers filling any ambient noise that may have lingered past the audience’s excitement. 

Our pre-show shenanigan’s looked different than usual. Lee, our exuberant host, put on a dazzling performance of When You’re Good to Mama and Touch-a Touch-a, and brought our very special Rocky Horror virgins on stage to pop their cherries with the infamous lipsticked “V”. 

With the crowd adequately hyped, it was time to start the show! Mina, the owner of Columbia’s Closet, a small business specializing in screen-accurate costumes, started us off with her incredible trixie as the rest of us threw together our final touches of makeup and finished off our last drops of Redbull. 

As the night moved on, the rustling of prop packs and smart-ass comments kept the crowd moving along, the energy building with more and more antici—-pation. Toilet paper streaming from atop the balcony, gloves snapping back just hard enough to leave a mark, and cards for pain and sorrow littered the air. It truly was the Rocky Horror experience- chaotic screaming and throwing miscellaneous props everywhere. 

O’Brien’s Orchestra’s Brad and Janet’s chemistry was undeniable- truly living up to the slut and asshole titles. Of course, we must thank OBO and LB’s floorwalkers for guiding the audience through the time warp again, and again… and again. Our clutsy Criminologist kept everyone on their toes as they stood on the tiniest sliver of stage, but never fear- the narrator, like the cameraman, never dies! Our Eddie made a big entrance, and Columbia absolutely nailed the lift during Hot Patootie, holding a perfectly pointed candlestick for an impressive amount of time- our core hurts just thinking about it! It’s hard to believe that was her first time in the air, she took it like a champ!

As dinner scene rapidly approached, the thirst grew as Rocky and Janet got hot and heavy, betraying Frank and Brad, who were reaching their own climaxes across the hall. The only thing keeping this orgy together was Magenta, cookin’ up some hot patootie nearby, eagerly awaiting the elbow sex that waited for her and our infamous Cowboy Riff after dinner. 

After Frank lost his hope of returning home, with Rocky soon to follow, our Riff Raff mercifully released everyone as the castle blasted back to Transylvania, with the sudden surprise that the scene of Superheroes had been cut out- damn the USA! Guess you’ll just have to come back and see us to get that final scene 😉 

After the show, we posed for the paparazzi and made some new friends. After everyone got their five minutes of fame, we sang happy birthday (LB style) to the threesome of birthdays OBO was celebrating with a variety of cupcakes and exhausted chitter-chatter. After removing our collective twenty pounds of makeup, we headed over to the local IHOP to be the obnoxious theater kids we are, where we toasted to an incredible show and absent friends. 

And ‘til next time: To our new D.A.S.H. friends! Long may we be present, and long live the 69~